A little give, A little take!!

The key mechanism of any relationship lies in ‘a little give, a little take’.

Parent-child bond, bonds through marriage or a professional tie, all are signified while accomplishing the potential only by two-way traffic, ‘A little give, A little take’. 

A time bomb named as ‘relationship’ comprising cogs, namely, ‘providing and receiving’ operate in absolute sync consuming essential components like love, loyalty, trust, respect, communication, etc as the lubricant to avoid friction. If at all, any imbalance in the two cogs occurs, the mishap generally is followed by the glitch in the time bomb emanating catastrophes.

21st-century bondings have no common grounds with the ties and bonds shared back in the olden days. Families, friends and acquaintances stuck together for ages, then. 

Presently, any family connection or social affiliation easily associated to a time bomb, reason being, lack in the balance of giving and taking. Either, it is excess giving & no taking or, excess taking & no giving, in any case, bringing the connection ties’ survival rate to nearly zero. 

The shift in priorities has led to poignant consequences, lately. Willingness to compromise bearing in mind the well-being of the bond or the greater good coming with it has been engulfed in the love of mere commodity and rank.

An integral part of a bond is to compromise. 

However, to compromise is traditionally mistaken for acquiescing consumption of ourselves. Or, when the committed party is overly consumed ensued by his dedication, loyalty, love and priority.

compromise, relationships,give and take,balance in compromising, how much to compromise, what not to compromise, equal efforts, no exploitation of efforts,
A little give, a little take

To compromise:

To gain benefits, giving up on a few is enforced. It is nearly impossible to have all that is desired by one. Which raises the question of, what to compromise on and for what to strive? 

Individual choices, mindsets, desires, tradition, qualification, upbringing and circumstances execute the decision of what to compromise.

Overlooking education for a blissful happily ever after is preferable for some, while sweeping the idea of marriage under the carpet for a successful career might be more convenient for some. Quitting a job for taking care of the households may be the idea of compromising for many, while compelled signup as a breadwinner of the house become the compromise for some. 

The complication has never been ‘the compromise’, but, what is being compromised and how much is being compromised. 

The exploitation of a compromising person excels in assorted setbacks. 

The mishap may be distinct, right from mental breakdowns to breakups, from disloyalty to deception, from animosity to resentment, and many more such ill-consequences. 

What not to compromise:

As we all are compelled to make a compromise, what to compromise on is always in our control. Like things which should never be compromised are your ideas, goals, faith and belief, values, self-respect, dignity, happiness, individuality, integrity and self-worth along with any other facet of life you cannot imagine giving upon. For example: For me, it is my son. Compromising on being with him to get into new ties, is an inconceivable notion for me. 

So, before compromising, be sure of not compromising on the checklist provided above along with the aspect most dear and close to you and your heart.

How much to compromise:

While compromising, be upfront in drawing a line on how much is more and beyond the limit. No matter whoever we are with, the more we let ourselves be consumed, the more we get consumed, there is no upper limit set unless we set it ourselves. 

Serve on middle grounds until you’re at the receiving end as well. If only you’re the one providing, there might be an unpleasant finish. 

For whom to compromise:

  • Who feels just right. Trust your instincts.
  • Who knows your capability and capacity to give and wouldn’t ask for beyond.
  • The one equally providing and bringing his input into the ties, making the bonds stronger. 
  • Who acknowledges your effort and recognises your intentions even if the result turns out as unexpected. 
  • The one who wouldn’t exploit your resources of varied nature in any manner. 
  • Your parents without any conditions. The fact, they bring you into this world equate all your compromises.

For whom to not-compromise:

  • The one who never acknowledges your greatest efforts.
  • For the one, who never have it enough.
  • The ones who step into the bond empty-handed.
  • The one gauges your emotions, feelings through your compromise and degree of submission. 
  • For the one who would perpetually demand more.
  • The one who will stipulate the flow of the relationship based on your compromises and efforts.
  • Anyone who deliberately demands a compromise on your reverence and value. 

Lastly, after a certain point, there should be no scope of regret left. Compromise enough for the ones worth it while keeping your values, dignity and all the above intact, hence, keeping no room for remorse.

Is there anything you would want to add on any of the areas covered in the post? Do let us know in the comments below.

Is Love Enough??

“But, I love him”, she cried, as her mom caressed her in her arms.

“Love is not enough, darling.” Mom consoled. 

This made her sink deeper into her cradle.

Blink of an eye earlier, everything seemed to be as perfect as a fairy tale. 

Then, what went wrong?? was the question. 

All of the promises and sweet plans right from the wedding to the old age were pushed off a cliff with the first blow of his slap striking her cheek leaving marks, testifying her pain. 

Every bash, every thrust untied the knots of hope bound by his weak promises. 

A slight shift in his conduct swiftly changed on to his drastic leap in behavior. 

With all this happening, she still assured herself with all the self-confirmation of love among the two and various non-existent reasons for staying. Yet, with every passing day, compromising demanded a piece of her self-respect, dignity, integrity and self-esteem.

To choose between love and self-love had become a walk on thin ice. 

In the first option, she would lose herself, gaining just the presence of the other and while choosing the latter, she would gain herself back while her heart remains bleeding for the companionship.

Love had struck her hard before she could fall in love with herself failing her to realize her value and worth. 

She never thought she would be in such a dilemma to choose between the two. 

Not knowing the value of the latter, she chose the first. Destining herself to aggression and oppression the relationship had to offer.

Only if she knew how essential is realizing self-worth would save her so many of her tears and sleepless nights.

Simultaneously, making it impossible for him to walk over her, treating her like a doormat.

Every relationship, demands more than just love. 

Love serves as a spark for the relationship to begin whereas, to keep the fire burning, it should be fueled by commitment, sincerity, respect, self-respect and the list goes on.

Love at one point does not play any role in keeping the souls together, it only happens when there is dedication, loyalty, respect, trust, honesty and dignity. 

“The word “love” in the Qur’an appears on over 90 places but interestingly it doesn’t define the word ‘love’ but speaks about the very first consequence of love, commitment. If you truly love, then commit, if you do not commit then your claim of love is not real.” — Sheikh Yassir Fazaga.

  • Commitment to each other’s trust and honesty.
  • Promise to be considerate of physical and emotional needs.
  • Commit to being loyal.
  • Offer and demand a sense of belonging.
  • Commit to being available when in need.
  • Commit to each other’s flaws and perfections, embracing and respecting it.
  • Committing to respect one’s personal space, ambition, dreams and desires.

The list goes on. Here, are just very few examples of commitment and what it seems like. 

The kind of love mentioned above is usually found in fairy tales and novels. But, this does not mean that we end up where we aren’t happy. 

I truly believe with commitment comes compromises from both the ends and no relationship is successful without it.

However, these compromises should be on grounds which does not pull you down in any way. Compromise only when it is acceptable to you depending on your priorities and not costing you your self-worth, dreams and dignity.

All said and done.

In the end, If you are not successful in ending up with the person you love always choose a person who loves you. This way, the love received mends and puts your broken pieces together, while being sure that you do not exploit the love you receive. 

Wrap

My first love at the age of 17. Lasted for 4.5 blissful years until we got engaged and his mom passed away. His father came into picture demanding for dowry and never-ending requirements.

My father decided to take a stand. Asked Z, if you love my daughter, then understand one thing, I refuse to pay you any extra penny from now on, only to hear in response, “Then I don’t see a point of this relationship. There’s no benefit for me in it”. 

I was devastated, yet pleading and compelling about the past 4.5 years spent together for the next 4 months. No result came out of the pleading anyway.

However, Love is never enough.

Do let me know, do you agree with the post. If not, then why??