A little give, A little take!!

The key mechanism of any relationship lies in ‘a little give, a little take’.

Parent-child bond, bonds through marriage or a professional tie, all are signified while accomplishing the potential only by two-way traffic, ‘A little give, A little take’. 

A time bomb named as ‘relationship’ comprising cogs, namely, ‘providing and receiving’ operate in absolute sync consuming essential components like love, loyalty, trust, respect, communication, etc as the lubricant to avoid friction. If at all, any imbalance in the two cogs occurs, the mishap generally is followed by the glitch in the time bomb emanating catastrophes.

21st-century bondings have no common grounds with the ties and bonds shared back in the olden days. Families, friends and acquaintances stuck together for ages, then. 

Presently, any family connection or social affiliation easily associated to a time bomb, reason being, lack in the balance of giving and taking. Either, it is excess giving & no taking or, excess taking & no giving, in any case, bringing the connection ties’ survival rate to nearly zero. 

The shift in priorities has led to poignant consequences, lately. Willingness to compromise bearing in mind the well-being of the bond or the greater good coming with it has been engulfed in the love of mere commodity and rank.

An integral part of a bond is to compromise. 

However, to compromise is traditionally mistaken for acquiescing consumption of ourselves. Or, when the committed party is overly consumed ensued by his dedication, loyalty, love and priority.

compromise, relationships,give and take,balance in compromising, how much to compromise, what not to compromise, equal efforts, no exploitation of efforts,
A little give, a little take

To compromise:

To gain benefits, giving up on a few is enforced. It is nearly impossible to have all that is desired by one. Which raises the question of, what to compromise on and for what to strive? 

Individual choices, mindsets, desires, tradition, qualification, upbringing and circumstances execute the decision of what to compromise.

Overlooking education for a blissful happily ever after is preferable for some, while sweeping the idea of marriage under the carpet for a successful career might be more convenient for some. Quitting a job for taking care of the households may be the idea of compromising for many, while compelled signup as a breadwinner of the house become the compromise for some. 

The complication has never been ‘the compromise’, but, what is being compromised and how much is being compromised. 

The exploitation of a compromising person excels in assorted setbacks. 

The mishap may be distinct, right from mental breakdowns to breakups, from disloyalty to deception, from animosity to resentment, and many more such ill-consequences. 

What not to compromise:

As we all are compelled to make a compromise, what to compromise on is always in our control. Like things which should never be compromised are your ideas, goals, faith and belief, values, self-respect, dignity, happiness, individuality, integrity and self-worth along with any other facet of life you cannot imagine giving upon. For example: For me, it is my son. Compromising on being with him to get into new ties, is an inconceivable notion for me. 

So, before compromising, be sure of not compromising on the checklist provided above along with the aspect most dear and close to you and your heart.

How much to compromise:

While compromising, be upfront in drawing a line on how much is more and beyond the limit. No matter whoever we are with, the more we let ourselves be consumed, the more we get consumed, there is no upper limit set unless we set it ourselves. 

Serve on middle grounds until you’re at the receiving end as well. If only you’re the one providing, there might be an unpleasant finish. 

For whom to compromise:

  • Who feels just right. Trust your instincts.
  • Who knows your capability and capacity to give and wouldn’t ask for beyond.
  • The one equally providing and bringing his input into the ties, making the bonds stronger. 
  • Who acknowledges your effort and recognises your intentions even if the result turns out as unexpected. 
  • The one who wouldn’t exploit your resources of varied nature in any manner. 
  • Your parents without any conditions. The fact, they bring you into this world equate all your compromises.

For whom to not-compromise:

  • The one who never acknowledges your greatest efforts.
  • For the one, who never have it enough.
  • The ones who step into the bond empty-handed.
  • The one gauges your emotions, feelings through your compromise and degree of submission. 
  • For the one who would perpetually demand more.
  • The one who will stipulate the flow of the relationship based on your compromises and efforts.
  • Anyone who deliberately demands a compromise on your reverence and value. 

Lastly, after a certain point, there should be no scope of regret left. Compromise enough for the ones worth it while keeping your values, dignity and all the above intact, hence, keeping no room for remorse.

Is there anything you would want to add on any of the areas covered in the post? Do let us know in the comments below.

When I took a break from life – (Guest Post)

One day, I saw an opening for a content writer volunteer at a non-government organisation (NGO). I applied for it. When I was selected, I was told that my job was not only to write but also to edit and manage a team of writers.

I had met the head of the team, G, about 4 months ago at an event in which the NGO had participated. We just had a short conversation then. And now, he was telling me that he was offering me to head a team.

Same time, another scene:

“Life is a race, if you don’t run fast somebody will trample you and leave you behind,” Virus, the director, told the first-year students in their induction talk. (Movie: 3 Idiots)

A lot of children have grown up getting compared to their friends and cousins. I was one of them. There was an unsaid pressure from the society about doing well in life. I somehow managed to survive it.

But there came a time when I decided to stop, or rather pause in life. While all my friends we continued to run the race, I decided to take a break.

I did not know what I wanted to do in life. The paths that I saw in front of me, I didn’t want to run on them. I didn’t know which one I yearned for. This was after I completed my graduation.

I was a lot frustrated about the pause. What would people say?

When I went to my college to collect my documents, a classmate asked, “What are your plans?” Now that college was done, everybody was asking the same thing. “Nothing. I am just thinking what I should do. Might take a break,” I replied with an anxious tone expecting a negative reaction.

However, what I met with was completely the opposite. “That’s great. You should take a break. Not everybody gets a chance to do this,” N said.

I was taken aback. I just passed a quick smile, knowing that not everybody was like N.

I took up a course for government job’s exams preparation for two reasons. It was hoped that I would crack at least one of it and land in a secured job. I knew it was not something I wanted to do, but I needed to do something to tell people.

At the same time, I signed up for a part-time French language course. Studying this language was long due. I had fallen in love with it during my school days. Not everybody around me was supportive of me taking up the course because there was no use of a foreign language in the future (in terms of my career) and French would divert my mind from the exam prep.

And now, I was being asked to head a team. Weren’t 24 hours in a day already too less? Would I be able to manage it? Was I the right choice? Was this what I wanted to do? What if it was not?

During my childhood, there had been several opportunities that I had let go. But this time, I choose to grab it. It was more of a work from home task so I just kept the news to myself.

It was a ‘break’ in everybody’s eyes but I had already signed up for three things. 

A couple of months later, I began to teach the children at the NGO on Sundays. Yes, you can do a lot in 24 hours if you want to. I was going to two classes on five days of the week, one of which was near my place and for the other, I had to travel for three hours. I was teaching on Sunday and rest of the time, I spent writing and editing, planning and managing.

After another 3 months, I decided to quit from the exam prep. I had completed the course and I spent two months at the follow-up classes just to drive myself to study. I spent eight months at the classes yet I decided to quit. Not because I did not have the talent to crack the exams but because after giving it a try, I was surer that it was not my path.

Many people thought that I was stupid as I was travelling for three hours to attend a class of just two hours. But I was loving the French classes. I needed it at that time to break free. Today, I am glad that I did not give it up because it was not going to help me in my career.  Yes, I am not making use of French today after three years and I don’t know if it would be of any use in the future but I knew the language was my calling. It helped me live life and made me understand myself better.

I was enjoying my work at the NGO. The shy me had learned to speak up my thoughts. I had become a more confident person. I found out that I could be a good leader. All because G believed in me when I did not believe in myself.

I realised how small my problems were when I compared them with those of the children I taught. I had made my problems appear too big in my mind.

When I was lost, a ‘break’ from life helped me discover myself. It was the best year of my life. I taught me how important it was to breathe.

Guest Author: Saumya Agrawal

Author Blog: Randomness Inked

About the Author: Saumya is a blogger who finds solace in her poetry and strength in her musings. She loves the smell of books and the sound of a scribbling pen. Taking one step at a time, she is on a mission to celebrate life. Know more about her here