Emotional Sedation!!

Admiration, adoration, appreciation of beauty, amusement, anger, anxiety, awe, awkwardness, boredom, calmness, confusion, craving, disgust, emphatic pain, entrancement, excitement, fear, horror, interest, joy, nostalgia, relief, etc are all various categories of emotions. 

A typical person would experience many of the above emotions in different instances. 

An individual who encounters various emotions and gracefully handles it is taken to be mentally stable along with being aware of himself and his actions. 

The correlation of emotions with feelings is that of height and weight. 

Every emotion has a specific feel along with it. 

Every emotion is a blessing, be it of any kind. 

However, today, I would like to dedicate my post to emotional sedation. Sedative effect on our mental awareness of emotions. 

A traumatic childhood, an unexpected negatively charged extreme event which we were never prepared to face at the given time. It’s a hard blow on our psychological and emotional capacity of dealing with situations. Thus, leading to tinnitus, further resulting in lingering emotional numbness.

Emotional numbness, surprisingly, apart from the above-stated cause, can also be cultural and societal. In many cultures, the emotional state is not given due attention and hence, crying is related to weakness, while anger is looked up for strength. These societies pushing the mental health under the carpet, emphasizes its people on being stoic, rational and emotionally invulnerable. 

Having oneself in these various situations, the preferred road is simple, not to feel any emotions at all. 

The instance can be no better than that of a rape victim. The atrocious episode leaves the victim with a string of loud tinnitus and moving on to emotional numbness. the heinous event concludes in a void of emotions. Unable to feel, express or communicate becomes new configuration in the system of the sufferer. Similarly, severe loss, stress, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), physical and mental abuse, are also few of many causes for sedation of emotions.

When speaking of mental health, emotional numbness is still a secret disease calling out for more attention. large numbers are oblivious of their malady, while others are in denial, as being stoic, stable and emotionally aware are always valued and held in high prestige. 

The crisis awareness of emotional numbness is eminent. Somebody in sentimental anaesthesia is no longer aware of any feeling, emotions or sentiments. Be it of his own or anyone involved, hence, dysfunctional coping mechanisms, depression, spiritual emptiness, inability to enjoy life, inability to form close and fulfilling relationships, disconnection from the inner self, confusion, irritability, fatigue, addictions, chronic illnesses, and somatic illnesses, inconsideration, insensitiveness, etc follows.

Being mindful of ourselves and ones around us is the key to reach out. 

Mentioned below are a few analytical ways in which one can be pinpointed.

  • Failure to express strong negative or positive emotions
  • Inability to “fully participate” in life (i.e. feeling like you’re a passive observer)
  • ‘Life is like a dream’ sense. (a feeling of unreality)
  • Living on autopilot.
  • Absence of interest in schemes, others find fun.
  • Feeling aloof from others.
  • An impulse to revoke from friends and family members.
  • Emotions are only felt in the body as sensations, but not by the mind
  • Animosity for people who show vivid emotions (both positive and negative)
  • Feeling numb in situations which should typically engender strong emotion
  • Panic attack when intense emotions eventually breakthrough.
  • Emptiness within.
  • Physical and mental insentience or blandness.

The extreme numbness may even influence the patient for suicidal attempts too.

Once we know the causes. Identify the silent bearers to recommend the ways to cure the silent disease.

As, the sentimental sedation is not permanent and so, the cure is available for both, long and short term. 

  • Identify the underlying reason for the numbness. 
  • See a psychiatrist. It is completely alright to visit a mental-health doctor. The old fashioned taboo of having a mental health issue is no more a dispute (at least in many countries and cultures). 
  • Talk to people who you feel closest to. People who make you feel connected, communicate and help yourself attain relief.
  • Exercise daily. Yoga, boxing, kick-boxing are great stress busters. However, a casual walk around the neighborhood also does wonders.  
  • Get ample sleep. Lack of sleep adds to the irritation and fatigue, hence, worsening the situation.
  • A well-balanced healthy diet is a must. It helps regulates and improves your mood.
  • Stress management. Minimize the stress and engage in stress-busting activities like meditation, prayers. Identify the stress enhancing factors and try to deal with them positively while getting rid of them eventually.
  • Determine emotions and articulate emotions. if you find this the hardest. do not delay in seeing a psychiatrist, let him tap your emotions for you and you can take it forward from there. 🙂

To the ones who are suffering from emotional numbness, you are not the only one. There are a lot more fighting the secret fight daily and maybe in the worst of situations. This sickness is momentary if crucial care is provided at once.

Have your say on emotional numbness in the comments below.

Had we confessed!! – (Guest Post)

Dear roll no 638

Subject: Had we confessed!

10th October 1991, Thursday when Roll No 638 bewitched me just to change the course of my perspective, priorities and preferences. Ever since then I began to live in a world of fantasy wherein    everything revolved around him. Days definitely commenced with my routine customary prayers, but now they changed too.  Imploring God to have a glimpse of Roll No 638 became its objective. Sleepless nights were spent weaving dreams of us together while days were spent supplicating that he does not play truant. But with each passing day, his reckless play-truant attitude gradually grew stronger, making my prayers more intense and his appearance less likely.  

Twenty Eight long years, yet our first encounter is etched deep in my memory, every detail distinctively fresh and crisp. It was our college excursion where we had first met; with every eye contact no dialogues were exchanged yet our eyes spoke volumes making the day worth memorable. Distinctly reminiscing when he first appeared before me, with all his opulent personality, dressed in the most casual grey stonewashed jeans and white printed shirt, his chiselled jaw lifted with a sweet, pleasing smile accentuating his devil’s tooth, his eyes twinkling with impishness, his dark black hair neatly done behind and his voice though exuding pride yet was soothing and genial. He had an unusual lethal combination of sturdy, muscular physique and an incredible sense of humour (a combination almost extinct in men then).  He was the Greek God per se, a bearer of a charming, smart and attractive demeanour. A complete package any girl would fall for. He had successfully cast his spell upon me that day.

He became the reason to regularly attend college. My eyes would scan the classroom only to rest on him and vice versa. His look would pulverize me, blushingly I would rip my eyes away from his. Less attention was on the lessons but more on his hilarious comments and mischief. He was roll no 638 and I was roll no 645, we occupied adjacent benches during exams. Being a regular student, my notes would always make rounds in the class. However, my adonis made use of them only during exams for cheating purposes. Thus my only motive to study for exams was to share my answer sheet with him in order to ensure that we remain class fellows.

Since we were pursuing science, laboratory sessions were an essential part of the course. He would be irregular for lectures but fortunately regular for lab sessions. I would always look forward for these sessions as we were to arrange ourselves as per our roll numbers. We shared the same lab counter for experiments. We had many instances where we bumped into each other, grabbed the same test tube or the same chemical but ironically spoke nothing just smiled and drew ourselves in different directions. With him around I was oblivious to the world around me. We would enjoy every silent and speechless conversation between us.

Probably, coming from a conservative family social barriers, fears and pressures prohibited us from being extrovert. Subsequently, deterring us to speak to each other too, but however, we shared an amazing oculesics communication.

Today, I sit back and traverse down the memory lane just to understand that life goes on. No one is indispensable and so is he. My life has moved on unfortunately without him but with beautiful memories of his charismatic smile, his humour filled one-liners and his devil-may-care attitude. Optimistically I believe his life too must have moved on successfully with someone worthy.

But, today while ruminating the past, I regret not speaking to him at least once! How I regret he could have taken the initiative to speak to me at least once (being the man)! How I wish we could express our feelings for each other in words! Why didn’t I ever muster up my courage and confess? Why didn’t he ever articulate his feelings into words?

 I am positive, wherever he is, he might be still remembering me. As I still remember him. His well-being is always included in my prayers till date but crossing paths now after 28 years is always excluded.

Stay blessed wherever and whoever you are with …

Regretfully

SH

Please welcome Sheen to the blogging platform.

She comes to us with her mouth-watering dishes.

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A window to count on!!

Blogging community event – Jugalbandi.

Chapter one – A window to count on

“She gazed out of the window to find a moonless sky full of twinkling stars…”, and within the skies, among the stars, she could see her unfettered self in the world of her dreams, with no confinement.

Zoe, 15, restricted within her home out of cultural and authoritative stipulation surrendering to the norm of the family since ages.
Like many other girls in her country, she could never leave the house except, the day, when she says her vows and steps into her ‘happily after’.
Her gateway into her world of imagination was the only window in her room. The window knew her and had seen the most phases of her growing up than anyone in the household would have ever cared to notice. It was the sole witness to her sorrow, her joy, her beauty unfolding while she confessed her secrets, desires and hope into the thin air through the window.

‘Zoe’, meant life, named by her mother who she loved immensely, while craving for the slightest jolly communication with her father.
Usually complaining, Zoe, had interrogated her mom, as to why she named her ‘Zoe’ while she is just living and not alive.
Only to find her mom responding ‘you gave me life, by coming to this world, and for the reason, I called you ‘Zoe’, you are my life, Zoe’.

Skipping night’s sleep was a preferable affair to sit at the window to feel the crisp wind brush her skin while her hair softly plays along. Her thoughts would wander from running in the woods, going to school, making new friends, singing, dancing and never coming back to her pen. Tears, like all other nights, would assemble on the window sill, leaving a stain on drying, giving away a sneak of the last night’s silent dialogue.

With every passing year, as Zoe bloomed into an elegant teenager, her desire for freedom, grew stronger.

Her other brothers were so well looked after by her father with all the deserved attention, facilities resources to lead a happy childhood.
They went to school, had friends and usually invited them over over suppers for which Zoe just like a good sister had to serve them.
She had happily started serving their friends since ‘Zion’ had been her brother’s newfound-slightly-older friend.
Zion was the sweetest among all his friends, he noticed Zoe and would greet her with a smile and usually exchanged greetings and thank yous. Zion was the only one who would make her feel noticed, while for everyone else she was more than transparent. Lately, all the adrenaline seemed to shoot up, upon his sight or even his smile, while she caught him stealing glances at her in return.
For the first time in ever, she had imagined of another individual by her side while she enjoyed and roamed the lands by free will.

The girls in the neighborhood, if they are lucky enough dodging the abortion of their initial existence seemed to have come with the same destiny as Zoe’s. They all had to finish up the chores, take care of the household and younger siblings while not getting to go to school, or go out in woods, or make new friends. All the girls in the locality had secretly got their confidante in stars, moon, window, ceilings or their pet.

However, their worst nightmare shared by all was to get married in their teens to the man of triple times their age. She had been to Sasha’s wedding earlier this month, she dreaded to be in the situation, as the only memory she has of Sasha is of crying, wailing and getting dragged into the car at the end of the ceremony by her very old groom.

Earlier during the day, overhearing the conversation of her parents her panic-stricken self had managed to compose herself with the utmost difficulty. That night, gazing at the stars, realizing the absence of the moon by the natural darkness spread over the night, she couldn’t hold back her tears, while she wept inconsolably, the words of her parents rung in her head repeatedly. She remembered her mom opposing her father, while he came an announced the news of setting up Zoe’s wedding in the coming week. Zion was one of the many thoughts which occurred repeatedly during that night which increased the tears count immensely.

It was then she decided she could never end up in a much miser situation, and now is the time to make a decision, for the marriage was never going to happen.

But, the puzzle to her liberation and freedom was not yet solved.

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The Macho Sentiment (Guest Post)

“For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.”

The world knows it as Newton’s third law of motion, I am sure he wanted to say the Third Law of Emotion. Because, whatever you say or do, it tends to generate a certain kind of emotional reaction in other people. This is very evident in the case of social media celebrities – one tweet or one Instagram story from them and you can see all emotions flooding the comment section. 

When I agreed to write about this topic, I was a little unsure if I can do it. Not because I do not have emotions. I do realize my eyes oozing out a teardrop when I am watching an emotional scene and my hand wisely wiping it off secretly before my wife finds out about this and mocks me. I was hesitant because I cannot even name many of the emotions. Just like I can recognize only basic colours on the rainbow and not all the shades on the paint company’s colour catalogue, I understand the basic emotions like fear, anger, and happiness but I cannot clearly identify the other emotions and feelings. Partly because, as men, we do not talk about other emotions much. It is not very common to hear two buddies, at least as I have observed, having conversations like “I am extremely anxious about this situation”, “This made me super emotional, I feel sad”, or “I am feeling ashamed”. Most of the conversations will be about positive emotions like pride, excitement & amusement.

Each one is different. In my case, many a time I catch myself going into an empty cocoon without thinking about anything. I don’t feel anything – neither happy nor sad, neither anger nor fear. I am calm. I think this is the enlightenment state that many spiritual leaders talk about. My wife doesn’t think so. She says I may have some sort of diurnal lagophthalmos. As a man who has not read “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus”, I refuse to let her assumptions shake my belief. I was thinking maybe I am special until I found this video from Mark Gungor. The response from the crowd says how true this could be for all men. All men seem to get into a box (not the final one, although one day they will). 

I am not an expert in this field. If I was, I would be publishing a book instead and charging for it. In order to learn more about emotions I started reading the book, “Master your emotions”. I must say that I was not too emotionally attached to the content and set it aside for another time. Like any normal human being slaving in the Information Technology world would do, I resorted to Dr.Google and asked, “Hey Google, how do men handle their emotions?” There were a bunch of articles both from experts and from wannabes like me. Some interesting ways that men use to handle their emotions, that caught my attention, are listed below. 

The feelings may be expressed in the form of physical ailments. It looks like men tend to complain of sudden headaches, backaches etc when they are emotional. Have I done this before? I do get headaches and backaches but mostly they are either because I am sick or because of strenuous physical work like sitting in that uncomfortable seat in the flight for 9 hours. I do feel fatigued on certain days but that’s a rare occurrence.  Otherwise, I was guilty of occasionally faking physical complaints to avoid a certain situation or people. Maybe that was my way of expressing disinterest? Is disinterest an emotion? Not sure. Only experts can say. 

Men remodel one feeling into other feelings. They tend to convert emotions that they perceive as weak like sadness into an emotion that they feel is strong, like anger. The belief that it is okay for men to express anger but not sadness could be because the former is considered as a more masculine feeling. We have all done that. When I feel incredibly sad about how little common sense few people have, I turn the hulk mode on and smash that like button, err, smash whatever is in hand. I miss my Nokia 3310. Sigh!

Walking away is the default survival instinct. When men find themselves in an emotional situation they tend to walk away from that place or situation to calm themselves down. Be it when you are arguing with your better half or when you are in a group where the stupidity hits the fan. I have walked away from a lot of arguments when I sense that my heartbeat is rising up. But with this Corona fiasco on, not many people have the luxury of walking away from an argument. Please remember facing the conflict and having that argument with your wife is far healthier than going away and risking your life. 

Is it really a blog post if you don’t leave a quote at the end to ponder about? Here is the food for thought on handling emotions from an anonymous person that is generally attributed to Lord Buddha (or Mark Twain, if you know what I mean) on the internet. 

“Don’t promise when you are happy, don’t reply when you are angry and don’t decide when you are sad.”

Mr Sadogapan Govindan

https://sadagopangovindan.com/

To know more about the author, Mr Sadogapan, click here.

Do let us know in the comments below, if you feel the same about how men handle emotions or if you have anything more to add to the list.

Pink interim!!

As days pass by, the covid horror is seeping through the minds of the people. Awareness, precautions, social distancing and every necessary measure has become the most observed ritual of recent times. 

People continue to stay home and stay safe except a few who are not able to figure out regulating practices for their stress and energy while exposing others to the risk as well.

As we continue to stay home, we have become so aware of our surroundings, the nook and corners get due attention while cleaning. The kitchen rack shines brighter than ever and the wardrobes are rearranged.

Finally, a little more scrubbing and dusting will wipe the paints off the surface. 

“Sleep well, sweet dreams” has been nullified as sleep refuses to generate new dreams for our 15 – 16 hours of sleep, hence, embracing ‘repeat’ mode.

Just a few weeks back, we craved for free time and dreamt of quick retirement. Now, we have all the time in the world while we are still in our hustling age. 

Free time and health are two blessings which never came to an individual in sync. And, here we are, having free time while we are healthy. 

So, seizing the opportunity and squeezing the best out of it, we got to reflect and reflect and reflect a bit more on ourselves. In all odds, we can still grow on a personally, professionally and spiritually.

Excercise daily.

Listed here are few things by which you can make the best out of these days you have in hand with your health by your side. 

  • Wake up early and take your daily dose of Vitamin D in your windows, balconies and verandas.  
  • Make sure you dress up well, even if you are alone. Make your hair, apply moisturizer. It’s a ‘look good, feel good’ tip. 
  • Get at cooking and eat healthily.
  • Bond with your family by having all meals together. You’ll discover the beauty and the true essence of your family as you learn to co-exist.
  • Learning a new skill should be on your agenda. Stitching, art, painting, cooking, sketching and many more. Every little detailing from the beginners perspective is on the net. Get started right away.
  • Exercise is a must. Exercising not only helps us with weight management or muscle toning but, also with feeling fresh, staying active and energized with releasing all the negatives and making way for positive vibes. 
  • Take out time for spiritual knowledge and growth. Pray. We can also level by profoundly studying any religion of our choice which intrigues us the most. Our busy schedule hardly spared us time to look for answers to the question about other religions, hence, clinging on to the misconceptions. Clearing the misconception will be your contribution to an accommodating society.
  • Spend quality time with our little ones. You have children, do not let this time pass by without strengthening your rapport with your kids. As for them, this is just a big holiday, unaware of the intensity of the situation. Regulating our stress sensitively is highly required as this might leave a deep scar on the little minds.
  • Restrict yourself to one movie or two episodes of your favorite series a day. We do not want this lock down to bring out couch potatoes and new health problems through binge-watching. 
  • A video call or a voice call to a friend, relative is as great as the other ways. It helps you to keep in touch and to keep a check on the other if in case they are doing alright. 
  • Develop a reading habit. Start by reading short stories then moving on to novels. it is a great way of increasing knowledge while improving our communication skills.
  • Go to bed early, and avoid using smartphones 20 minutes before your bedtime, as it helps your eye muscles to relax leading to a night of deep sleep.
  • With all these in action, do remember to reflect. Reflect on yourselves. In the earlier rush, we hardly got time, to look back on our actions, did we hurt anyone, is there a scope of improvement in our behavior, can we become more friendly and be more polite to the office boy. Have an attitude check. No one is perfect and there is always room for improvement, and wise is the one who is always ready for change and improvement.

With all the tips, I hope it will help you to plan your day while optimistically utilizing your free time along with your health. 

How much do you agree with this article and do you have any better way to make the best use of the day? Do let us know in the comments.

Nostalgia!!

#CommunityChallenge Letter to an old friend.
10-day writing challenge at Blogging community.

Dear Hina,

Subject: I miss you!!


How are you? Where are you?
The last memory I have of you is from the farewell we bid to each other in early 2002. Since then I have longed to meet you, see you, know about your whereabouts but, all efforts were in vain.
The memories we made are irreplaceable. Courtesy of my best childhood days goes to you. Our never-ending hours of role-playing, cycling, hide and seeks are still fresh in the mind as though it just ended yesterday.
Two neatly done plaits with red ribbon bow at the end lay softly on your skinny shoulders and loose hair at the fore-front framing your dusky bony face gracefully. Crystal clear image of our first encounter, you accompanying your mom to our house to do the chores.
then it became a daily thing in no time.
Times, situations changed, we moved away. Best friends became strangers overnight. We couldn’t be in touch anymore as our finances and age did not equip us to be in touch at the time.
However, after 10 long years, I did come back to refresh our old memories, only to find out you had eloped with a man of your choice and your parents had disowned you. Your mom didn’t discuss much, but, she was delighted to see me.
Any ways, where ever you are, I hope you are doing good. And, whenever I have to talk about my childhood friend or childhood memory, be it through a letter or be it anything related, the only name comes to my mind is ‘HINA’.
I miss you.

Hoping to meet you one day.
Irut.

Do let us know in the comment. how you feel about the letter to ‘an old friend’.

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In Pieces!! – (Guest Post)

   It should not have taken me by such surprise but it did. For months my husband said he loved me, loved being a family man, loved being a dad to Spook. He bought me things. Then one day after months of telling me I was fine and didn’t need my meds because all my issues were just my bad personality…He called from work at 6 p.m. and said he’d see us after work. Three hours later, he called, mumbled into the phone, “I can’t do this anymore,” and he hung up. No doubt smashing his phone as he’d done before when he was ‘done’ with a woman. I was flabbergasted. I kept calling his cell and it went to voice mail.
    I tore into the bedroom and sure enough, all his clothes and computer were gone. Still not sure when or how he pulled that off since we had one car and he had no license so I wouldn’t let  him use it, but I was in a bad mental space. He could have sprouted two heads and I likely wouldn’t have noticed.  I’d begged him for weeks to make a call and get me into a psych doc because by that time, I was petrified to talk to other people. He always said he forgot, he’d do it tomorrow. He never did then had the nerve to say I drove him away by not being on my meds. After saying I didn’t need them, I just had personality disorders. This man everyone else found so charming and upstanding was in fact a pathological liar.


    I immediately took Spook to my mom’s and took myself to the ER. I was going to get medicated and referred to a psych doc and I was gonna get in my right mind because now I was a single mom with a 2 year old to raise on my small disability income. 3/4 of which was rent. I was in a panic but once I got some Xanax on board, I calmed down. I was still confused why he handled it like a teenage boy breaking up with a girlfriend. We were married, we had a child together, and ending things with a cryptic call after just 3 hours earlier tell me how much he loved me. I do not think even baffled is a strong enough word to describe how I was feeling for the next week or two.
     Once medicated properly again with a reliable doctor,  was when the gravity and reality of the sudden single motherhood finally hit me. This 2 year old little girl, confused that ‘da-da’ was suddenly not around, was counting on me. For everything. When some days with my mental health issues, it was all I could do to get myself out of bed and dressed. I did my very best, though, to keep a smile on my face and keep her routine normal as possible. If tears threatened, I’d step out of her view or into the bathroom, not wishing to add to her confusion of why mommy was so sad and scared. And I was terrified. The man left us with a power bill about to be disconnected, no food in the fridge, and Spook with no diapers. I had no way to bring in more money to get this stuff and many a night I stayed awake, stomach churning with anxiety, and cursing the day I allowed the donor to lie his way into my life.
    But everything happens for a reason and without him, I would not have my beautiful daughter so I regret nothing.
   I can’t however, forget anything, either. My own fear, my feelings of inadequacy, worrying if I was going to pass on my mental issues and ruin my child. Year after year, it became harder and more of a crippling fear. I admit there were times I basically zombie shambled through each day, making sure even if I hadn’t eaten or bathed in days, Spook’s needs were always met. The power of my love for my child gave me the strength to keep going, even when every fiber of my depressed being told me she’d be better off without me dragging her down. There were times when she would scream and hit me and break things and I’d call hotlines because I felt I needed help and yet…They didn’t see it as a problem other than a lack of consistent discipline on my part so I had to take on that added guilt and blow to my self esteem.
    There were times I almost wished her father would reappear and ask for visitation so I wouldn’t feel so crushed under the weight of it all by myself. I admit that with zero pride but I was overwhelmed and scared and…a train-wreck.

He’s been gone 9 years. He’s not asked to see our child. He moves and changes jobs and girlfriends every couple of  months. He tells people I won’t let him see her. 9 years with limited resources financially and mentally, I have raised this child alone. Doctor appointments, school, homework, school events, constant playdates at our house to the point I thought I’d have a nervous breakdown. The tantrums and her hitting me. The screaming. The ADHD. I am still here because I am her mom and I love her.
   To use something irutarts said to me, “He left in peace and left you in pieces.”
   That he did. But I picked up those pieces and I put myself back together best I could.
   The point everyone seems to miss is that this was never about him or me being jerks to each other. It’s about a little girl who asked for none of this and his abandonment and shunning of her is unforgivable. When she asks me why other kids have dads and she doesn’t…I just have to tell her  that her father and I couldn’t get along and he’s left his other kids, too, so it’s not your fault, Baby.
    He left her in pieces that will probably remain shattered into her adulthood and that is the true heartbreak of this failed relationship.
   The one thing she can say though is that she didn’t have a loving devoted mom who made sacrifices she she didn’t have to do without. Maybe she lost the two parent lottery, but she will always have me and I hope one day that means something to her. Maybe one day she will focus not on my failures but all of the things I did right.

This amazing post has been written by Niki Noir, writer and creator of https://msmoodswing.wordpress.com/

Visit her blog for more interesting issues on mental health issues.